Shaffer
Family Newsletter-Saint Patrick’s Day 2019
Shaffer Family-2018 was a very difficult and
devastating year for our family. While we both still love and respect each
other, Windy decided that divorce would better fulfill her goals. This was a
difficult decision for Windy, and it was difficult for Benjamin to accept, but
it is done, and we hope that as time goes on we will both find healing and
understanding. We just finalized our divorce and sold our house in February of
2019. We are seeking to be the best people and Co-Parents we can be. We ask
that as our friends and family that you refrain from assigning blame, or making
any unkind remarks about us, especially
in front of our children. It is essential that the children be encouraged to
love and support both of their parents even as we struggle to rebuild our lives
and raise them well. We have each moved into new houses. This is a difficult
transition for the children, and as such any support you can give us, and them
will be appreciated.
Windy, 44- I was diagnosed with breast cancer just before
Christmas 2017, by February my very long hair was cut off to be ready for
chemo. I was bald from February through July. I opted to be “flat and
fabulous” and had a double mastectomy in June, a weight loss program I DO NOT
recommend. However it did work for me. Between chemo, surgery and being
pro-active about lifestyle choices, I am healthier and lighter now than 15
years ago.
During chemo I
decided we needed some fun in our lives and I found a deal for annual passes to
Universal Studios Harry Potter World in California. Thanks to several
friends and family in the greater LA area we were able to go multiple times and
enjoyed the action packed fun!
Benjamin and I
had been going to marriage counseling for some time and in the spring I
realized that life is too short to be miserable. I asked for a divorce
after doing everything I could to stay married for years. Our ideals and
interests have diverged so far that we no longer are able to meet one another’s
needs. We filed the papers in the summer. We sold our house so we were
able to separate our assets and can move forward with no money owed to each
other. We have joint custody week by week. I feel we have a better relationship
now that I have let go of the emotional weight of trying to keep a
dysfunctional relationship and appear to be functional.
My mom, DeeDee
Jay, moved in with us in April to help through my cancer treatment. In
September after my radiation treatments were over DeeDee announced it was time
to move out. After a long hunt she purchased a duplex and moved into the
west side in mid-October. In early November the east side became available and
we moved in! She has her own kitchen and cooks most of our meals. The
girls and I do lots of maid service and handyman work. It’s a win-win. I have
my business, lots of elbow room and the potential for improvement in the
basement.
I’m
still playing my cello and tuba in community groups. I appreciate all the
support from family, friends and random strangers during this very difficult
year. I have hope for a truly happy and healthy future where we all are
thriving instead of merely surviving.
Benjamin, 38-It has been a very discouraging and
devastating year. I have shouldered the full responsibility for my law firm,
and all clients, marketing and administration for my first full year, while supporting
Windy through cancer, chemo, surgery, and our divorce. I moved out, and helped
Windy move too. I lost my wife, I lost a brother to criminal insanity and
prison, a business partner who moved, my secretary who retired, my home, my
purpose and a lot of time with my children. My hometown of Paradise California
burned to the ground along with my childhood home, school, church, and
memories. I am now trying to rebuild my life. Any one of these things would
have been overwhelming on their own, but doing them all at once has made this
year a blur of crisis, horror, and despair. We appreciate all the love and
support we have received during this difficult transition. My new contact
information is attached at the bottom, and I hope to hear from you, and see you,
and enjoy your support while my children and I begin the long process of
healing and creating a new normal for our lives.
Elnorra “Norrie”, 14, 8th grade-This year has been hard.
Moving sucks but sometimes moving forward is easier than holding on.
And I now have a cool new room! School is fine. My friend group has grown
so there is less drama. I love gymnastics (thanks GranDee), reading and
collecting quotes. Two that I am enjoying now are: "Hope is the only thing
stronger than fear" and "Let your smile change the world; don't let
the world change your smile". A saying that I made up is: "Just
because we cry doesn't mean we're weak, it just means we will be stronger in
the future".
Cordelia “Dilly”, 11, 6th grade-Well, this past year has
been a handful to say the least. We have now moved into a bigger better
house that is perfect for us. But I had to switch schools and church in the
middle of the 6th grade which is quite hard. I am now in Young Women’s at
church and I am much happier with new friends. They have helped me feel at home
and have helped me through my parent’s divorce and my mom's cancer treatments.
I have also started gymnastics, thanks DD, and I LOVE it so much.
Adelaide “Addy”, 9, 3rd grade-It has been a really
rough year since my mom had cancer and my mom and dad were getting divorced. But I have really had fun, too. We went to Universal Studios a bunch of
times and to Disneyland!
Gwendolyn “Gwendy”, 6, Kindergarten-This year has been
hard but a new learning experience. We moved and I changed schools half
way through Kindergarten. And I have some new friends too. Last summer I
got to do ballet and now I am in gymnastics.
DeeDee, 74 and feel every year of it-I am at an age and stage of
disability that I needed to make decisions about my long term care plan.
So 2018 saw two moves for me. I downsized the Arizona three bedroom house
to bare bones with much help from friends. I expected that the next permanent
home would be an apartment in a senior complex with, at best, a kitchenette.
But first I needed to be with Windy to help her and her family through
chemo, surgery and radiation. And, as I learned the week after I arrived in
Spanish Fork, a divorce as well. As much as I liked living with the family,
being in one bedroom was not satisfactory. Not having my own
refrigerator? Even worse.
When all of
Windy's health hurdles were conquered I started looking for that senior
residence. But I hated them all. I couldn't hear a thing in the dining
rooms and dreaded the 3 bland meals a day. So a prolonged rental search
began for a nice little apartment ... Well... Small rental house ... Well ...
Nothing accessible was available. Or to buy? Anything small was off the
market before officially being listed. After looking at a number of
unsuitable homes, I had appointment with a random realtor to view another lousy
little house. Windy came along on this trip. After rejecting lousy house,
I joked that I would really like a duplex and have some human contact with the
neighbors. Windy had just seen a 2br/4br on Zillow. Random Realtor did a
great job of arranging a viewing, we saw the property within 30 minutes. I put
a bid on it that day. I live in the two bedroom side and rent out the
four bedroom side to the best tenants - Windy and the girls. I have my own
kitchen and cook a lot of our meals. This is my long term care plan now.
Windy Shaffer
341 E 100 North
Spanish Fork, UT 84660
TubaMamma@Gmail.com
928-774-8442
Benjamin Shaffer
250 E 400 North
Spanish Fork, UT 84660
BenjaminNShaffer@Gmail.com
520-203-2328
Elnorra Shaffer
ElnorraShaffer@Gmail.com
801-850-1278
Cordelia Shaffer
CordeliaShaffer@Gmail.com
385-625-7882
Adelaide Shaffer
AdeLadyShaffer@Gmail.com
435-421-4650 (GPS watch)
Gwendolyn Shaffer
GwendyShaffer@Gmail.com
435-421-4631 (GPS watch)
DeeDee Jay
331 E 100 North
Spanish Fork, UT 84660
D4D4J10@Gmail.com
520-301-5510
